The Countdown Begins...

Wow, it has crept up on me, but it is nearly time for school to start. Can we all say YAY?! Three weeks from today, J.P. returns to school, starting the 3rd grade, and 3 weeks from Wednesday, Rebekah will begin her middle school career. We did our school supply shopping this past weekend. We are now set with uniforms, books, and school supplies. Now, if only the weather would realize that we are moving closer to Fall and start to cool down.

Let me tell you, school cannot start too soon for me. J.P. is trying to turn the living room into a combination tool room/storage room for God-knows-what. He also just got a stuffed parrot that repeats what you say in a high pitched voice, almost like it has sucked a helium balloon. He delights in holding this thing up to everyone and the TV so it can repeat things. Oh, and he named the parrot Turd. He carries Turd everywhere so Turd can speak. Turd is about to drive me insane. Earlier today, I threatened to kick Turd's ass. Turd squawked back at me, in a perfect, high-pitched Kentucky accent, "I'm gonna kick yer ass! I'm gonna kick yer ass!"

PARENTING TIP OF THE DAY FROM THE WITCH AND THE DARLING CZECH PECKER: Sometimes, survival as a parent depends on a well-stocked wine bar and liquor cabinet.

Is Summer Over Yet?

We are inching ever closer to the start of the school year, and I am anxiously crossing the days of summer off my calendar. Have I mentioned that I hate hot weather?

For the most part, our summer treks are over, and I'm working on The List. The List is that endless stuff to buy, uniforms to go through and see what needs to be replaced, school supply lists to purchase, things to organize in the house to make homework sessions as easy and painless as possible...

I really would love to just spend the remainder of the summer in hibernation, but ALAS! That is not to be.

This evening, we have a meeting at St. Joseph's for student athletes, so I suppose the fall is approaching. If only the weather would cooperate!

PARENTING TIP OF THE DAY FROM THE WITCH AND THE DARLING CZECH PECKER: I will start my parenting "tips" with this bit that really forms the foundation of everything else that the darling Czech Pecker and I do to put the "fun" in our dysfunctional family unit! Boundaries. We all know about boundaries, especially those of us who are parents. Setting boundaries sounds easier than it actually is, and if you've ever tried reasoning with a stubborn spawn of Satan, then you know exactly what I'm talking about.

Have you ever heard the phrase, "pick your battles" when it comes to parenting? Well, we learned about that pretty early in dealing with the bratlets. As a result, we've developed a philosophy of fluid boundaries. Basically, the boundaries we've set are firm when it comes to issues of safety and health. No, we won't let them play in traffic, no matter how much they might beg. However, other issues are up for negotiation. That doesn't necessarily mean that they will get their way in everything. Compromise is a big word in our household. Needless to say, there is generally a good deal of lively conversation and bargaining going on, but hey...it makes things interesting!

A Tale of our Trip, in Pictures

So, our trip started out in Connecticut, where we attended a family reunion, as I mentioned earlier. That Saturday evening, we went out to a restaurant in West Haven called Jimmies. It's right on Long Island Sound, and after dinner, we out on the beach area where the kids enjoyed collecting shells and playing around. Incidentally, we did not suddenly gain a third child. Taylor is my cousin from Kentucky who happily joined us on our trip. She and Rebekah are the same age. We were thrilled to have her along, and I hope the Lazurek Funny Farm didn't frighten her too much!

Taylor and Rebekah pose on the beach. Rebekah looks kind of drunk, I know, but I promise that I've not been allowing underage drinking. She just looks that way a lot of the time! I blame it on pre-teen girlie-girl temporary loss of practical brain cells.

The darling Czech Pecker walking out on the jetty with J.P. and Taylor.

The same jetty. The darling Czech Pecker, J.P., Taylor, and Rebekah walking out. You can see the darling Czech Pecker's grey hair in this picture. He likes to blame it on me, but I think it's all that Eastern European Existentialism getting to him.

Sunday arrived, and it was time to go into the City. We took the train from Stratford, CT.

J.P., Taylor, and Rebekah at the train station in Stratford. I can't remember exactly WHY J.P. had an attitude at the time, but really, does he have to have a reason?

Taylor and Rebekah on the train. Notice that Rebekah STILL has the drunk look on her face!

Grand Central Station! Taylor, Rebekah, Bob (Granddaddy to the kids!), and J.P. This photo was actually taken at the END of the day...note that the girls already have their American Girl dolls. We can explain Rebekah's drunk look that way, then. Not on the dolls...on the fact that it was the end of the day.

Taylor, Rebekah, and J.P. at Grand Central Station.

Of course, if you are a pre-teen girl, no trip to New York is complete without spending an inordinate amount of time in American Girl and then having lunch in the Cafe there. Rebekah decided that she wanted a plethora of American Girl stuff for her birthday from us, so we headed straight for there.

In these photos taken in the American Girl Cafe, you will note Taylor with her new doll, Ruthie, and Rebekah with her new dolls, Kaya and Julie. Yes, Rebekah DOES look drunk! However, I am the one who had a Bellini to drink because after two hours of traipsing up and down three stories of a crowded store, I desperately needed either that or a Xanax. J.P. shows what he really thinks of the whole thing, but being a boy, he finds ways to amuse himself.

Our next stop was St. Patrick's Cathedral. This was more up J.P.'s alley since he is John PATRICK, and St. Patrick is one of his patron saints.

Above, an outside view of St. Pat's; the girls dress their American Girl dolls on the steps outside of St. Pat's--in the background, J.P. is showing something to the darling Czech Pecker; inside of St. Pat's, J.P., Rebekah, and Taylor.

On Monday, we cruised through Central Park, checking out the sights there. I was on a quest for the statue of Balto!

And I found him!

Dedication to the sled dogs who ran the medicine to Nome

Taylor, J.P., and Rebekah pose with Balto

J.P., Taylor, and Rebekah posing in front of the statue of another of my heroes, Shakespeare! None of them were thrilled or impressed.

A red tail hawk with its prey, a squirrel, in Central Park

We also had to go to the top of the Empire State Building and see what kind of view we could get from there.

The New York skyline from the top of the Empire State Building.

The United Nations Building. It's the silvery rectangular building in the center, on this side of the river.

A hazy, fuzzy view of the Statue of Liberty

A pigeon perching just a few inches from me!

And there you go, a short photo diary of our short visit to New York. I wish I had taken some more pictures, but we were so busy trying to keep up with the kids and herd them through the streets. I felt kind of like a cattle wrangler or something! We also ended up not having time to go out to Ellis Island as we had originally planned and hoped to do. I would like for the kids to do that because the darling Czech Pecker's great-grandparents came through there. It would be interesting for them to see, and that background is so different from my own, where my family has been here for many thousands of years, some of them, and others for over 300 years. Maybe on a future trip...

New Yorkers and Their Dogs

One thing that impressed me about New York and more specifically, New Yorkers, was their attitude toward their dogs. I mean, there are people walking their dogs everywhere there. All sorts of dogs. Big dogs, little dogs, purebred dogs, mixed breed dogs, dogs in purses, dogs on leashes...I'm starting to sound like a Dr. Seuss book now. Seriously, though, in a lot of the larger cities I've visited, dogs are popular to a certain extent, but a lot of people who are apartment dwellers tend to either have no pets, cats, or small dogs.

And they go into stores with their dogs, and it's quite okay! Now THAT is what I liked. Being a dog lover, it was quite okay to brush up against a Black Lab in the Wal-Green's in the lobby of the Empire State Building or to stand next to a German Shepherd mix in Grand Central Station. I can't help but compare that to an incident that I saw take place here in Grinchville, South Carolina a few months ago at a local Wal-Mart.

Now, we ALL know that Wal-Mart is far from the ultimate shopping experience. It's more like the shopping equivalent of Dante's lowest level of Hell. One day, this woman needed to run in for just a moment to grab something, and she had a small dog, a puppy, with her. Naturally, she did not want to leave her baby in the car. Keep in mind, it was a PUPPY, and a small breed, at that. I think maybe a Shih Tzu or Maltese...something small and cute and furry. THE ASSHOLE MANAGER WOULD NOT LET HER TAKE IT IN! I mean, she was not going to put the puppy down on the floor to run around...she told him that, and that she was only going to be a few minutes. And he still would not let her take her puppy in there. As I told a friend of mine, I'm more offended by most of the clientele there, especially some of the kids, than I am by a dog. Then again, I like dogs better than I like most people.

I will say a good thing about the local Hobby Lobby, though. I had to run in there one day to grab a couple of things for a mosaic I was working on, and I had Sitka with me. She's one of my Huskies, and she was all of about three months old at the time. I carried her in with me since I didn't want to leave her in the car, and everyone who worked there made over her like she was a baby! One person did ask me if she was a wolf pup, though! That made me laugh.

COMING SOON TO THE WITCH'S BLOG! Parenting tips, Appalachian Witchy Style! When we were at the family reunion in Connecticut, the darling Czech Pecker and I were talking to one of his cousins, Kara, who also has two children, both girls, around the same age as our own two Spawns of Satan. We were talking about parenting styles, things we've seen other people do that we thought were too strict, what we do that might seem a bit unconventional to some, etc. Kara suggested to me that I put some of our parenting style stuff on my blog, so I will be doing just that. I just hope that nobody from the South Carolina Department of Social Services will be reading it. At any rate, I haven't decided yet if I am going to do it as a single blog entry where I lay it all out there at once, or if I will do it as part of a daily "tip" a little at a time at the end of each blog entry. When some of my brain cells settle back down in a day or two, I'll figure it out.

So, I'm STILL trying to play catch-up here. It's been kind of hard because the kids want to do this and that, go swimming, yada yada yada. I will upload my vacation photos tomorrow so I can do a photo blog entry, complete with my usual smart ass captions. That is, as soon as I run my errands to the school uniform store, to the pet supply store, to Target, to print some photos out, and so on...

Back in South Carolina...boo hoo

We made it back late yesterday afternoon, welcomed by the heat and humidity. Ugh.

I will soon be uploading my photos. We spent part of Monday in Central Park, and I found one of my religious shrines--the statue of Balto!

The darling Czech Pecker has promised me a trip this fall sans children. He asked if I wanted to go to Boston or back to New York. It was a hard decision since I love Boston, too, but I think I want to head back to New York. I am looking forward to doing everything that I want to do!

The Funny Farm Descends Upon Manhattan

And I have the pictures to prove it, but I have to upload them. And quite frankly, I'm too dang tired right now to deal with that. We came Up North on Friday afternoon for a family reunion in Connecticut on the darling Czech Pecker's side of the family. That event was yesterday, hosted by my father-in-law with help from one of the cousins, Kara. It was a fantastic event, and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves. My footprints are probably still imprinted on the floor leading to the bar where Tony the bartender made some killer cosmos!

And today, we took the train from Stratford into New York. I will detail more of our trip later when I am not on the verge of falling over my keyboard. Plus, there is going to be a repeat tomorrow, and New York will be seeing The Funny Farm once again, so I need my Smartass Sleep!

Just a couple of quick notes to record a couple of my impressions, though:

1--Fifth Avenue could easily be my favorite street in America now. Sephora, book stores, St. Patrick's Cathedral...I mean, all of my needs--beauty, intellectual, and spiritual--all met on ONE street!

2--American Girl New York should really like us now after the money we spent there today.

3--After only 4 hours in the City, a couple of guys in Times Square asked us where American Girl was when they saw us carrying the bags. I was able to give them the address and directions better than the darling Czech Pecker, who has spent time in NYC before, and this was my first time in Manhattan.

4--What is up with the myth about rude New Yorkers? I found the staff in the shops and restaurants to be helpful and pleasant. On the street, the people walk quickly to get places, they're straight-forward, and it's a fast-paced atmosphere, but I have found nothing intimidating or rude about it in the least. Atlanta is scarier than New York.

That's it for the evening. More later!

Happy Birthday, Mini-Me!

Rebekah, my mini-me, is 11 years old today, speeding ever closer to the teen years. Believe me, it's obvious by her sassy mouth. It seems like just yesterday that my mom, the darling Czech Pecker, and I were on our way to St. Joseph's Women's Hospital in Tampa, Florida, listening to the song "Hell" by Squirrel, Nut, Zipper. Boy, was that ever a fitting song. Not for the labor and delivery, mind you, but for the years following. Delivering a kid is the easy part. Raising it, however, will send a person screaming for the nearest liquor store or the funny farm, whichever is closest!

Seriously, though, she's a cute little mini-me, and most of the time the darling Czech Pecker and I enjoy her smart-ass attitude toward life. It is so much like ours, you see. She's funny, insightful, and not overly tolerant of ostentation or pretension. She makes us laugh. We are thrilled to have the little bratlet in our lives!

So, happy birthday Rebekah Elizabeth Lazurek!

My Old Kentucky Home

Sooooo, I have been hanging out in my home state this past week, and it is with great reluctance that I will be heading back to South Carolina, Home of the Uptight and Self-Righteous, tomorrow afternoon.

This particular adventure began last Tuesday morning. The kids, two of the dogs--Mojo and Skyy--and I piled into the B.A.T. mobile and headed over the mountains. We sang along to some Johnny Cash through Asheville, we blasted some U2 while going through the area affectionately referred to as The Gorge. And it's a good thing we had the music to occupy us then because it was about that time that Mojo developed gas. J.P. had fed him some BBQ potato chips earlier. Husky flatulence is bad enough. Add BBQ potato chips and you have a potentially lethal situation. I'm telling you now, I would not be surprised if Mojo farts are still trapped in that valley area between mountains near the North Carolina-Tennessee state line. If you are travelling I-40 through there and smell something frightening, don't say I didn't warn you.

Last Friday, my dad and I went and got inked, proving that old adage true, the family that gets tattoos together, stays together. Okay, maybe it's not really an old adage, but it should be. A redneck adage, at least. Anyway, I will have to post pictures later because I don't have my cord with me that connects the camera to the computer. His is military related, and I got a cross with a Rosary draped over it. My mom is now wanting one, a Husky, naturally!

The darling Czech Pecker is not left out of all of this. Because of his schedule, he did not come up until Friday morning, and he went back Sunday evening. He shocked the bejeezus out of me by getting a tattoo, also. Okay, now we're starting to sound like a version of Family Ink or something! Anyway, Friday evening being the 4th of July, it was fireworks time. In true redneck fashion, up here on the hill, there was a competition between ours and some guy over the hill. Shouts of "incoming!" were heard--mainly from my dad--and booms and sparks were flying everywhere. At least nobody spoke and/or heard the words, "hey y'all, hold my drink and watch this!" You know there is going to be trouble when you hear THAT in a redneck venue.

Today, we're heading out to the park for a birthday celebration for Rebekah, who will be 11 tomorrow. My mom came up on Sunday to visit her family, and a group will be meeting out at the park this afternoon. Tomorrow, it's back to Grinchville for a couple of days before we head out again, this time to Connecticut and New York.