I'm a Loser!

And that makes me very happy. Why, you ask? Because I have lost two dress sizes since the beginning of the summer! At this rate, I WILL make my goal of reaching my pre-pregnancy size before my 40th birthday in December! Two more sizes to go...Yippeeeee! And that has been without regular exercise. Since Summer and I don't get along, I tend to skip the exercise routine during the hot season and pick up again in Fall. I'm buying some new running shoes this weekend and will soon start running with my Huskies and working on my muscle tone. I will be hitting my 40s as a Fabulous Fruitcake rather than a fat one!

Parenting Tip of the Day from the Witch and the Darling Czech Pecker: Let's talk about language, and I'm not talking about English, Spanish, French, Russian...yes, we're talking about *whisper* cussing. Okay, I know that the darling Czech Pecker and I have a tendency to let fly with some colorful language at times. Now, I'm not going to say that it's right or wrong, it just IS. As a result, as you might imagine, the Spawns of Satan have picked up a phrase or two along the way. At first, we worked mightily to discourage it, and then it hit us...wow, how hypocritical to tell them not to say it when we still said things like, "what a dumbass!" (that's the darling Czech Pecker in traffic) or "well, shit fire and save the matches!" (that's me at just about anything). So, the logical thing was for us to try not to say such things, and that worked to a certain extent, but only so much.

I know what most people would say. The darling Czech Pecker and I are ADULTS and the Spawn are CHILDREN. I know, I know. But we are, after all, a most unconventional family, as most people have by now realized. And our Spawn, for all their faults--and they are many--know one thing: what they say and do at home does not necessarily transfer to what they say and do out in public and at school. So while I receive excellent reports from their teachers, and I've had people in restaurants commend me on my well-behaved children, The Lazurek Funny Farm at home often sounds like an episode of The Osbournes. Okay, maybe not THAT bad because we aren't as fond of the "f" bomb as they are. Our favorites tend to be "dumbass," "asswipe," "bunghole," "ass monkey," "bitch fit,"...okay, you get the picture.

One day in school in 1st grade, J.P. DID tell his teacher, during a discussion of the Ten Commandments, that his sister calls him "shit head" when she's mad at him and that he believes there is a commandment against that. His teacher had to turn her back to keep from bursting out laughing. And no, there is not a commandment against calling your brother a shit head when you're angry at him. I looked it up. In fact, there seems to be nothing in the Scriptures against cussing, so it's solely a social thing. I don't thing we're doomed to Hades or anything. At least for that...