Is There Anything Worse Than Love Songs?

Yes. Yes, there is. Try COUNTRY LOVE SONGS. I am shuddering in fear and loathing even as I type those dreaded words, but yes, my dear friends, such a CD collection actually exists. I know. I keep looking out for the four horses of the Apocalypse ever since I saw it in Target a few days ago, where I was looking for some little flying helicopter thingies in the toy section with the darling Czech Pecker and my male spawn of Satan. I happened to stroll past the music section and saw this frightening music collection sitting there, bold as you please, on an end rack. I nearly fainted dead away in horror, and let me tell you, I am generally not of a delicate constitution, but my heart nearly gave out.

After I got over my initial terror, I have to admit that I started to giggle and snort to myself, and I had to pick up a copy and show it to the darling Czech Pecker (by this time, I was chortling at the absolute hilarity of it).

One thing you have to understand about the darling Czech Pecker and me...we are most definitely NOT the romantic types. No way, no how. Syrupy love songs make both of us alternately barf and laugh at the ridiculously unrealistic lyrics. We both giggled our way through our wedding...if there were any tears in either of our eyes, it was due to laughter. And I may be a woman--yeah, I swear it, I checked--but I really think Chick Flicks and Chick Lit are inane. Give me a good comedy--NOT a romantic comedy, please--or a good Sci Fi film. Give me REAL literature, preferably British, although I sometimes love some good Southern Gothic a la Flannery O' Connor or William Faulkner.

Needless to say, "Stand By Your Man" kind of stuff just doesn't figure into our way of communicating.

I do regret showing the collection to the darling Czech Pecker right there, though. It would have been quite amusing to have bought it and wrapped it up for Valentine's Day for a gag gift!